Dear Mommy,
Lately all my poems seem to be about you,
and as well as my poems my thoughts only consist of you too
thoughts trapped in my mind the way my image is trapped in the mirror
scared that when i look a reflection of you might come off a little more clearer
thoughts trapped in m mind the way the cancerous cells were trapped in your body
wanting so desperatley to be released but even the the powerful source of chemotherapy wouldnt allow it
thoughts trapped in my mind the way i was once trapped in your womb at birth
when we two were as one and if you left then it wouldnt have been a curse
because i would have been able to go with you
and i know it should be a sin that im thinking of ways to get you off of my mind
pushing these thoughts further and further behind
not wanting to rewind the times of when these thoughts have kept me confined
and its not that i want these thoughts of mine to subside
its just these thoughts bring forth tears my eyes can no longer hide.

And mommy,
i know you told me to never question you,
but i just dont understand how God could take you my precious jewel
you were the tools that would build me up when i would fall apart
and as my mother you were the one that was closest to my heart
i never would have thought that it would be this hard for us to be apart
cause if i did i would have suggested that we never grow this close from the start

and why did God have to take you just four days after my ninetinth birthday when i was just becoming a young woman
i woke up one morning and the next day you were gone
not leaving me instructions on how i was to cary on
this life without you
and how could you leave me and not even say goodbye
you always said goodbye so why not say it this last time
or better yet you always said you would stick by my side
but when i look to my left and my right its you i cant find
with my eyes open wide searching for the places you might hide
im starting to think that maybe you just left me out to dry

So now as im realizng that your physical presence will never be found
im looking at the photos i have left of you laying around
i see your eyes filled with so much life
your smile just as bright
wonderful memories having me thinking everything will be all right
but slowly comes the fading of light
as the darkness then begans to turn into night
im begging for it to wait cause i dont want to let you out of my site
but it takes everything with it
including the images i once had of you
leaving me now to just imagine
and as im imaging, so imaginations of what our future would have been like comes to mind
i imagined you at my college graduation
watching walk across the stage eyes filled with infatuation
i imagined you on the front pew on the day of my wedding
mouthing to me and my husband many words of blessings
I imagined me taking care of you when you became old and gray
the way you once took care of me never leading me astray
but now i see my imaginations will be just that
images never presenting itself to the presence
and while im living in the presence i cant even do anything without getting you off of my mind
but see these issues would take just a little too much time

so mommy,
im sealing this letter with a kiss
sending it to heaven letting you know how much i miss
you and love you...

p.s
I once heard someone say that death brings us heartaches that no one can heal but love brings us memories that no once can steal...
love your one and only daughter,
Leanna