it was 4 in the morning.. the other day
as i lock my hands and pray..
I closed my eyes to getaway..
from all this pain..
"God, Let it rain..
on my soul..
to put out this fire ; i hold in
i've made a sin, after a sin..

"on this.. i got nobody to blame..
it was my fault to begin.."

i gathered my breath; so i can speak
hoping i'd find the guidness i seek..
i tried to talk but my tongue was too weak..
to speak...
but my breath Escaped as i exhale
my pain i cant un-vail..
feels like i made my own hell jail..
and made my own hard bed..
"God, please
turn my heart from black back to red"
im so alive..
yet i feel dead..
got them thoughts locked up in my head;
Why i didn't hold on to home?
now, im setting here all alone..

Fifteen...
i thought all the hurt; i've seen..
Maybe if i left i'd built my own kingdom
and i'll be the queen..

Seventeen..
You took away my Aunt...
you know the one with eyes of green..
such a beautiful smile not like nothing you seen..

Eighteen..
You took away my grandpa..
on him i used to lean...
he was my father..
when my own wasnt in the scene..

Twenty..
you took away my older uncle..
only 33..
and now without him i feel empty..
without him there is no;
"Long distance b-day party"

Strong is what they kept me..
i just hate how they just left me..
these i didnt get a chance to say goodbye to
didnt get a chance to tell'em... "I love you.."
or at least for the love they gave me say; "Thank You.."
just too far away..
haven't seen'em in 8 years and a day..

Twenty one..
my younger uncle was chosen..
only 23..
and now without him.. i lost me..
i can still smile..
but not the same..
i can still laugh..
but i hold pain..
i can still see your face
as i closed your eyes and saved you a grace
"I love you.."
thats what i said for the last time i held you..

Twenty two..
Mother... i miss you..
so much i wanted to tell you..
i've been gone for years..
all alone.. i need you..
if i had one wish;
that'd be to hold you..

I left home..with no clue..
that i'll never see every single one of you..
now, the only way to see my people is by; deja vu

-These were just thoughts locked up in my head-
so i inhale and i said;
"God, i know they in a better place
but when i go to sleep.. i wanna see their face..
and i wanna feel their embrace..
see, you know their love i cant erase
neither can i replace..
them bein with you is no longer the case..
i grew to understand that space..
when my time comes.. lord tell my mama to save me a place..
right next to her..
i want her to hold me as soon as i inter..

as i recalled mothers perfume
i imagined her in an all white room..

just like a baby i cried..
my tears i could not hide
no longer i care for pride..
took out all the hurt i've denied
all that i had inside?

I open my eyes.. it was the sunrise
it took away all my cries..
so i smiled from my heart as i arise
and i thanked God for my prize..
it was a new day..
and a new sunrise..