Though I love being a mommy it does come with
Worry…extreme responsibility
That could overwhelm
Anybody….

I lay in the bed with two angels who have no care of making it comfortable for me to sleep right
Little toes snug between my neck
One is upside down foot across my breast
Little comfortable sighs
You unconsciously smile
Knowing everything is all right
Even when your body is cramped and your too close to the edge
And probably about to fall off the bed

But its cool yawl
Cause without them I couldn’t make it at all…

In the middle of the night I simultaneously reach for the comfort of their warm bodies
There was nothing there but the coolness of rumbled sheets… I jumped up looking in the dark
Hands franticly searching for them …
My heart beats fast
Panic quickly sets in
I call their name in a voice only a mother can sing..
Ericcc! Ericcccc! Lalaaaa!! Ahlanaaa!
Oh God where are my babies!
Running through the house with a crippling fear of inevitable reality
Someone stole my little …gifts from the safety of me?

One hand trembling holding a loaded 45 the other dialing 911
Hold up!! This cant be me scared beyond words
Weak and vulnerable …” heart abuse” is the word to describe my
pain….

House full of uniformed strangers with school photographs
My kid’s father sitting Indian style on the floor broken to pieces...
Was too much for me to witness,
After 100 Questions
All they could do was send a
AMBER ALERT?

Anger spread through my veins like wild fire
Dread and suicide were the only options I had all through the night
Mama say baby lets pray
God is the only one who could make things right…

Really… it was the first and only thing left to do

Jesus I come to you with troubles and the weight of the world on my heart and soul… you gave them to me as a gift (I have to pause to remind myself this is just a poem)))
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I thank you father for allowing me to be the choosing one to be their mother…I know they belong to you 1st but Lord I need them more then ever… please father of all creation…Send then home safe and unharmed… the phone rings
“Yes”…
Ms. Jackson your children are safe…
Thank you Jesus…
AMBER ALERT DIACTIVATED
Thank you for reading my worst dreams... peace