Dear Mrs. Lesbian,
I had to throw an R in the miss
Since you swear up and down
You’re married to the clit
But I have just found
You don’t really exist
All the running around screaming you love women
Is just an excuse for the negative feelings
You have towards d***k
It’s okay to admire beauty
Thick thighs, breasts, and booty
Every girl in the world has said at one point,
“Hey…she’s a cutie”

While in the bed
Other than giving head
You use dildos and other toys that resemble a stick
Stabbing them into the vagina as if it was a d***k
So in reality, you love d***k so much
You wear a strap-on and act as if you had one
Maybe, you just don’t like men’s personalities
Or maybe a plastic d***k from the Lion’s Den
Is what you’re proud to see
Either you’re afraid or just not turned on
By the real thing
But a plastic one does what?
Hmmm…nothing for me
I never really could understand you
What can you get from another woman
That a man is not willing to give you?
Boning each other
Calling it love
It’s the same sh!t as if you were humping an arm of a chair
Or the side of a tub

And please don’t let me get on oral sex
Your excuse remains the same
“A woman can do it right
Because she knows what another woman likes”
Please… Hell, you don’t even need a man for it, honey
U can use the tongue of a cat, snake, horse, dog, or bunny
Vibrators are good in my book
Well…at least I’m a fan
Sh!t put a Tickle-Me-Elmo between your legs
At least he’s a man
Oh, darling,
You failed at your attempt to be gay
You can raise the rainbow flag and march in the parade
You can come at me with,
“I was never attracted to men…anyway”
Well go see a Psychiatrist…
Maybe a Hypnotist
Grab the nearest man and practice the sh!t
If rubbing on your own tits ain’t enough?
Suffer the consequence
You have to realize
That you are nothing but a lie
A fairy tale made up
By horny, thirsty guys

With my deepest sympathy,
I hope that you will tend to be
Receptive to my reality
Of how phony your achieved status is
You’re a woman loving a woman
But you really love some d!ck
It’s time for you to find out now
That you really don’t exist.