I get so lonely, so unfocused, and so forceful
At a thought, at a time and a day, when
… No, I can’t, I can’t drown myself in the past
I can’t keep running back to old times
Times of happiness, times of joy
And the sacrifice it took the get there
The millions of opportunities I let slip
Right through my hands, just so we’d make
To someplace where we could be just “ok”
Funny thing is, we got someplace called “nowhere”
And “nowhere” has a funny way of taking you everywhere
Every place you tried to hide from,
Every place you didn’t want to go to in the first place
Until emotions are indescribable, no matter what dictionary
Until symptoms are undefined, no matter what psychologists
And we thrive off of this, somehow living
Well, not fully living, just walking, dumbly; clumsy
Everything in life is now missing
Joy, reason, hope, happiness, desire, and “the desired”
Whom ever she may be… oh, please excuse me
That should be whoever they may be, but to me, she is everything
The whole package that up and left this mess of feeling
Ready to drown in sorrow that I myself brought into being
It’s funny, people say, “You made your grave, you have to lay in it.”
But what if you didn’t know you were digging
What if you were digging your grave while sleep walking?
Unconsciously, unknowingly, undesirably, uncontrollably
And now, that is open, you are ready to jump in

Well, that was me, or the past me, and no, I haven’t let go
I have just regained someone’s sense I found on the street
Actually, a friend loaned me some of his too
And I see that your happiness means more than my selfishness
So, in the middle of my craziness and my unethical-ness
That remains unexplained, for I realize this idiot
This one standing before you couldn’t even use
One percent of his brain around you
Made me dumb for you, made me a target for mistakes
So, I will continue to wish that my wrong could be filled under “Miss-take”
But I can’t go back, so they are tattoos on my body
All over me and the biggest one is you
You imprinted my soul
And the next time you see me, no, I will have not moved on
Till death do we meat once again,
And joy will stream in this dead spirit in the hopes that
Life after death with you would be mine and may it always stay:
JOIOUS
AND BRING ME EVERLASTING JOY
…
…
…
Like You Do