first words

i choose them wisely

fumbling about my frantic thoughts

releasing this fickle dialogue

cut deeply the way i want you to

slice open this thick atmosphere

and uncover the eyes

in a sticky web of lies

of forked tongues and foul language

of cold hearts and cruel intentions

i was silent an entire summer

resorting to the purest sense:

sound

mute by choice

as to not contaminate the sounds

to learn what words are

what words do

knowing that i would never

fully know what to do with them

mute by choice

to get them out of my head

they threatened my life

held me prisoner there

as their advocate

in spelling bees and notes to self

mute by choice

to grab sentences by the reigns

roping them into structures

my structures

of paragraphs and poems

held them captive now

never to be obedient

now i use them

strip them of meaning

of dignity

repeat words until they’re just noise

whoremongers of truth

exposing them for what they are

they exposed me first

i have my way with them

yet, i never really have my way

because i need them

and they know it...