I saw god cry today.
Watched her heavy footsteps as they told the ground that she was tired
Walking had never been such a burden
Breathing should have been optional. Living should have been a choice
but she wasn't suicidal…
She was god.
And She sat across from me ...
desk separating two entirely different stories ..
.my eyes attempting to convey
Hope
Hers attempting 2 drown me in her pain
Her Pupils sat pretty on heavy bags that told me that rest had evaded her
But since she was afraid to dream she didn’t mind insomnia
So She sat there
In my office
on a chair she did not trust anymore than she did me...
u could tell by the way she fidgeted ...
trying not to connect with either one
trying to find a comfort zone in that room ...
wanting to grasp onto something familiar but
there were no dimly lit corners 2 hide in today
no places to perform miracles
Today
she was simply human
and so she sat
slouched over
no one had ever taught her good posture
Her hands remained tightly crossed around her torso as if she were used 2 her own hugs
Love was not in her dictionary
she was not made for kisses
not capable of beauty
not built for dresses and pretty pink bows
never learned how to sew but had struggle stitched into her breast plate
Made sure she held it close to her heart
cause it was all she ever knew
and never wanted 2 let it go for fear that nothing would ever love her as much
as poverty did
she showed me her wallet
medicaid doubling as a credit card
with funds only available every 15 days
and her credit score would never go up
She survived on 165 dollars bi weekly
with 269 dollars in food stamps
but god she was resourceful
and that trait alone made her powerful
omnipotent
God was omnipresent ...
knew her way around every back street and dark alley with no map and her eyes closed
simply smelling the scent of man
She had loved too many to forget
the stench emanated from her pores
cum stains on her rags
knuckles raw from handwashing sin
scrubbing in an attempt to regain her dignity
singing her own redemption song to anyone who would listen
and today it was my turn
She said she wasn't crazy the medications simply kept her from reality
she said sometimes she needed to feel like she was part of a video game
...princess trapped in a tall tall castle
waiting for her prince to kill the dragon
then he would free her get married and travel to happily ever after ...
but she never found that promised land
and didn't know any prince
and any potentials would only run after the dragon
but were too addicted 2 the chase 2 ever kill it
forcing her 2 to stay in her tall tall project building ...
I saw god sigh today as if remembering the stories her mother told her
still hoping at least one fairy tale would come true ...
Im telling you
I saw god cry today
But in passing you might think she was the devil
Confuse
Bright Red lipstick and fingernails with mal intentions
She told me she wanted to die
that she could never get anything in life right
I didn’t know what to say to her
I wish school had prepared me to talk to her without teaching
Church never showed me how to handle her without preaching
Hands shaking
She went into her purse
And I watched her most prized possession emerge
she kissed it and cursed in Spanish
said that people said shed never make it
but shes made it this far
she said even if she was worthless
she wanted nothing more than to serve her purpose as
an example of what not to be
she showed me her most prized possession
and I saw a picture of 4 little angels
who knew nothing of her struggle to always keep them in heaven
and delay them from viewing this earthly hell as much as possible
Tears hit the photograph
And shined her angels wings
She told me this is why she sings her redemption song
She told me she sold her body because of this
She told me this was the reason she fought
She told me fuck what the people thought
Even if she burned in hell for every sin she has ever commited
In the eyes of her children
Her angels
She was their Provider
She had given them life
She had endured strife so that they wouldn’t have to
At least to them
she
would
always
be
God