I open my eyes again to a blank page,
with the same lines and spaces at a different age,
i feel like i been afraid to get engaged with my mental frame,
my words might not feel the same,
it been a minute since a sentence came,
from my soul through my heart out my pen and hit the page,
its like my thoughts have been encaged,
and it been a while now since the lock down a lot of shit has changed,
my maturity's in a different phase,
been washing my innocence since third grade,
by fourth it started to fade,
at 25 its nothing let to deteriorate,
i guess my life is mimicking fate,
my words is challenging greats,
my flow in a deck of cards you can call me the eights,
i know crazy right but,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,.........wait.....
delete that, scratch it out, lined through it, ERASED

It been a while now since the lock down a lot of shit has changed,
first i was in love, but we was torn apart,
then i was with love but she tore my hear,
almost caught love but baby had a three kid head start,
then i finally found the perfect love but she was riding by driving in another niggas car, left me feening from a far, wishing on a star,
saying fuck relationships i'm good,
fronting like i'm hard,
all the while praying for less space between me and her beautiful face,
begging to use my tongue to trace her heavenly shape,
refusing the chase and demanding a taste, but,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,.........wait.....
delete that, scratch it out, lined through it, ERASED

It been a while now since the lock down a lot of shit has changed,
I'm exhausted, fatigued, tired, in need of a second wind,
no time to work on me i spend in all on family and friends,
even though first priority should be getting me to where i shoulda been,
but i got four nephews two nieces all under age ten,
a mama three sister and i'm they father and they men,
though i aint ready to be a daddy and i dam sure dont need a girlfriend,
BUT I GOTTA BE STRONG, CAUSE I'M TRYIN TO BUILD MY PEOPLE UP NOT JUST HELP'EM ALONG,
So i take the KIDS to school then pick'em up, take HER to work then pick HER up, babysit, and change HER brakes, and this aint the half on a day to day, i make sure all HER rent get paid, then drive HER all the way up 316 for an appointment made, at the heart doctor on ya nigga only off day, still lonely, broke, hungry, and getting nothing to compensate, but,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,.........wait.....
delete that, scratch it out, lined through it, ERASED

It been a while now since the lock down a lot of shit has changed,
I was in the lead,
but now it would seem that i'm loosing the race of chasing my dream,
like life targeted my focus and decided to intervene,
interjected with tribulations of my family and team,
blocked my means to the cream, and made me a pussy feen,
lost the contact on my minds eye so my path is no longer seen,
so now my thoughts is sporadic, cant organize my attic,
and i'm starting to feel like i'ma borderline manic,
shit is tragic,
cause i dont think the world is gonna hear my music within,
or understand why ya nigga always up at 3 A.M.,
but during the daytime hours most of it is spent,
at the only place i can come face to face with ZEN,
with my eyes closed i see him smiling living life like i remember him,
giving me strength to pick up this heavy as life pen,
and press it against page,
tryin to write in the miniature windows that pop up throughout the day,
but it all wind up,.......

Deleted......

Scratched out.....

Lined through.....

Erased.