Your words
cut thru me today
though you couldn't see my face
you'd have known
right away
if you could
so I had to write
right away.
Feeling an odd need
to explain myself to you
though to no one else
do I usually feel the need.
I rebel against what you
are being used by God
to remind me.
That once I lived for poetry
and not thru it.
And I confess:
that I do not
on purpose
return to the pedestal
because it was lonely there.
Tears in my eyes
as I tell this truth
to you.
One
that won't give in.
I confess:
I revel in the debauchery
of others lessor selves
because my own
had grown restless
and was having
fun there.
I confess:
that I rebel
on purpose
out of spite
out of hate
out of misery
out of loneliness.
Should I ever return?
only days to come know...
but you
you speak to me
God's desire to fulfill
this purpose
and stall no more.
You speak to me
the truth
that eludes so many
because so easily can I fool them
and continue to hide.
So to you
I rebel
because I am not ready
I still don't want
to do anything more
than this backsliding
this blasphemy
until back in me
is the fire that once burned
for my love
now just my
torment.
This pen
and now
you
a dear friend
unable to understand
how much
I hear your pleas
and just have to
for my sanity's sake
rebel.