Crisp sheets
cuddle me
constantly evoking
thoughts of he
practically piercing my ears
that painful song i hear
on the radio
but no
I dont cry

Tear ducts have lost
to many of its soldiers
bolder, its growing by the minute
dry eyes tell people
I stopped waiting for you to call me
cause i realize happy,
shouldn't come when
your name shows up on my caller id
My heart shouldnt start
beating again just because
you decided to be a man
and be "apart" of your daughters life
I dont bother remembering
which one is your first name
cause thomas and wayne
are both strangers to me
I could blame you for
not knowing my identity
and my familiy history
But i wont because
that would mean you had
creative freedom over
who I shaped out to be

I used to praise you wonderful
I used to piece together
fragments of you and
try to find them in me
but then i grew up and realized
that "Father" was a fictional idea
and i guess that some people
just grasped the concept a little harder
I'm not a martyr
or a bitter "fatherless daughter"
but i am the
guilt that lays with you at night
when your holding your wife
and cant sleep
the thoughts that creep up on you
In middle of work
the hurt you feel everytime
you look into my eyes
and see a grown ass women
and not your little baby girl
cause time has passed you by

I wished i believed my own hype
about needing you not any longer
I wish i was stronger
like the name you and moms
branded me with but

Crisp sheets
cuddle me
constantly evoking
thoughts of he
practically piercing my ears
that painful song i hear
on the radio
but no
...........
I wish i could say i dont cry