If I was whisky I'd be Crown Royal
I f I was beer I'd be Becks
If I were a Sneaker I'd be Adidas
Cause All Day I Dream About Sex

If I was a car I'b be a BMW
The ultimate driving machine
If I was my own orgasm it'd be great
Lettin' girlie swallow some good protein

If I was a golfer I'd be Tiger
If I was a porn star I'd be Justin Slayer
Scratch then when I cums to fuckin'
Ladies agree I'm the best when I lay her

If I was President I'd rule with greatness
Despite all the negative criticism
Solve financial woes by taxin' big businesses
Try to help erase all the racism

If I were a B-ball player I'd be Doc
If I were a football player I'd be Primetime
Making millions a dollas and having millions a women
Whew, I'd really have been using my nine, lol!!

If I were a singer I'd be Will Downing
If I was a rapper I'd be Too Short
And you know his motta don'tcha?
He be fuckin' ladies like it's a sport

If I were a motorcycle I'd be a Harley
If I were a truck I'd be a Hummer
If I were in medicine I'd be a sex therapist
Showing women how to be a good cummer

But

If I were born in Kansas I'd be a Kansasan
If I was born a Scorpion I'd be a freak
If I was born cool as hell then I'd be the shit huh
All these three were meant to be...for they ARE me