For 2 months I couldn't write
think it was my nerves...
neva had writers block before
guess my pain was blocking my words...

then I realized
the very thing that i couldnt' do
was exactly what I needed
to get me through...

so here I am...trying to... let it all out
pain squeezin' my chest so hard i'm startin' to shout...
just can't stop screamin'
'cuz this shit right here...
ain't the way that I seen it ...
way back when...
I looked ahead into the future...
never knew I'd suffer from wounds
that cannot be sutured...

my fears...left me a long time ago
tears? that's a luxury i don't know
i need to release but...
aint no room for that shit in my hood
instead I'm walking around frontin'
like my shit is all good...
Hell, I gotta do what i gotta do...
'neva let 'em see you sweat'
is the code that we live by
the way that we move...
but still...
WE CRY...
just not like you...

on the inside...
seems the only safe place to let it all out
cuz if you display any weakness
niggaz will take you out...


sometimes i feel i could be...
losing my mind
memories from the past constantly stay on rewind
just when i think i
am getting over the pain...
i feel the shots in my chest again


i'm...
caught up in my thoughts...
missin' my homie somethin' serious
wishin' i had the power to press rewind and..
politic with him just one more time...

He had a charming personality
even had pretty teeth
but the streetz bled him dry
death stole his life like a thief...

Moment Of Silence for my homie Butta...
Rest In Peace.

Shit just aint' the same here without you...
find myself searchin' the faces at the corner
still lookin' for my dude...
sometimes i SWEAR i can see you...
in the light in someone's eyes...
or even a dance move.

took trips on the weekends
weekdays stayed cookin' weight
packed up in the kitchen baggin' rocks
grubbin' on hot plates...

dreamin' of a better life
its GOTTA be more to it than this...
more than strugglin', hungry
living in buildings with hallways
reekin' of piss...

now, they say we are in a recession...

RECESSION??
to most of us, this shit ain't new...
Hell, to feel it...
you had to have already HAD something to lose...
why you think we STAY hustlin' tryin' to make moves??!!
barely makin' it...
whole time straight HATIN' this shit
but...
the baby...still needs food.

way I see it...there is no other way
ancestors hustled to get by...even back in the day
survival instinct...been passed down for generations
God had to have given it...'cuz the devil ain't take it

Think about it...
the game aint NEVA change
just the players get rotated
from day to day...
niggaz STILL packin'...STILL slangin'...betta believe it
bullets shot out the 9...STILL got 'em bleedin'

and who gives a FUCK when they see
a Hustla hurtin', shot servin'
bourgeois, fake ass, uncle tom's feelin' like
they must've deserved it...

DESERVED IT?? WHAT?? ARE YOU SERIOUS?? WOW!!

if just ONE thing were done different...
MY life would be YOURS right now!!
It was the luck of the draw that put you in the suburbs...
if my daddy fucked your moms
it would be YOU servin' fiends out here on this curb...
ya heard??
straight slangin'...sights set on just maintainin'
tryin' to get your piece of that dinero, see...
you'd be out here with us...walkin' the block sportin' Timz
instead of rollin' in your S550... wearin' them Gucci's...
You feel me??
while you are livin' the high life
the rest of us are just tryin' to breathe...
But don't get it twisted...
TRUST...
there is a life lesson in everything

Oh hell...seems that Pushin' the Pen only turned on the faucet
now thoughts flowin' at a rapid pace
and i'm helpless to stop it.
but...why would i want to?
when my pen and my page are gonna see me thru....


sometimes i feel i could be...
losing my mind
memories from the past constantly stay on rewind
just when i think i
am getting over the pain...
i feel the shots in my chest again...


bullets flyin', babies cryin'
somebody PLEASE....turn off the fuckin' sirens!!!
SHIT!!!
so loud...I can't even think!!
don't think I'll know when to stop
if i drink that drink...

so i refrain...and just drown in my pain
my sorrow has me stuck, tied up and chained...
to the very bottom...
where people only POINT OUT the problems
and never ever even bother to OFFER to solve them...

THERE HAS TO BE A WAY OUT!!!

God, do you even hear me
when i scream and shout??

'Cuz i got a feeling today...
could be the day I go crazy...

Look, i'm on my knees...
Lord, i PRAY you come save me.



sometimes i feel i could be...
losing my mind
memories from the past constantly stay on rewind
just when i think i
am getting over the pain...
i feel the shots in my chest again