Lived for the purpose of living

Smiling

Happy

&

Loving

But somewhere in the mist of all my smiles came frowns
And in the middle of all the happiness came sadness
And in the center of me loving came death
In the rare shape of {{HIM}}

He who was clever enough to convince me to believe in him
Me not realizing that I was falling for NOTHING
He, who used my loneliness and insecurities to his advantage
And feasted on desperate times and drunken nights of tears
Pillow hugging, eyes swelling, cigarette smoking nights
alone

And some would have looked at my life at that moment and feel… sorry
But he, looked at me at that moment, and thought… scoring
Hips grinding, lips locking, pussy juices flowing, ass… smacking
In return all I was looking for was companionship… hoping to built all these emotions to love…
Instead… I got nothing more… than scarred flesh and a reputation of weak

Traded in lonesome nights for pain
Wet pillows for thunderstorms
Knelt on my knees and prayed that he was real
And indeed loved me

But he was just another nigga… GRIMMY

All I asked for was to live in a home
Made up of soft kisses
Tight hugs
Meaningful conversation
NOT
Sex stains on sheets
Dreams based on lie & deceit
Foundations formed in weak
No cement under my feet

And when he was exposed…. For trifflin’ other weak souls
Through cable wires and high speed modems
Instead of an apology, all I got was a bad connection… and I was LOST…
Interrupted telephone wires cuz he was to poor and can only afford
DIAL-UP

So now… poem after poem after poem
Tears splattered across computer screens in different homes
As my LIFE was being watched on an on-line soap opera…
I am left with nothing more than that of which I signed on with…

desperate times and drunken nights of tears
Pillow hugging, eyes swelling, cigarette smoking nights
alone

so I guess, I’M LOGGING OFF NOW…………..