foot steps like in a bear cave running through my brain waves
echos of pain stays dont have to play the name game
ya know whos death makes me change lanes from sanity to a deranged frame
engaged with thoughts of breathless mornings cause im tired of mourning
eleven years strong and im still falling... i can hear death calling
should i pick up the phone or let it go to voicemail it wont fail
i pick up and hear deaths a male saying imma take your soul straight to hell!
so i guess suicide should only be visualized but grandmas death leaves me teary eyed
didnt i cry enough.. im tough but not tough enough to say cry i didnt!
isnt time suppose to heal all pain, or does pain consume all time?
am i blind for not letting my daughter make me feel alive?
ive been strong enough to not make my heart stop pumping
but spots jumping on my body giving me a twitch
cause my nerves are lost like a dead body in a ditch
lifes a bitch!! abuela if only i can hold... man! i wish
this.. this.. just kills me inside leaving me emotionless
waiting for my body to be motionless by a natural cause
the actual cause would be i died from overwhelming suffering

a shadow was casted over my light on june 29th 1998
my grandma took her first steps through the heavenly gates
and i took my fisrt steps to a misery filled fate, a fate filled with hate
embraced with agony loved by torment... depression was a sure fit
often i screamed to the Lord to take her out her coffin
but to no surprise he ignored my pleading leaving me grieving
bleeding through my eyes staining my lifes meaning
becoming a demon doing evil cause bieng good was misleading!
feeding off my broken shell was the devil showing me jail cells
oh well its not like if i wasnt in prison i would have abuela in my vision
wishing this was all a bad dream soon i will wake up and see shes still wit me
ha..ha..ha.. i must be an idiot to even think thats a slight posibilty!
so i live in the city, but my soul lives in pitty its shitty but it is what it is see!


i know she is looking down on me sad that i wont let go
but how can i let go? i dont see that as an option in my life!!!

R.I.P Petra Gomez aka abuela June 29th 1998!! love you!!!