Youre a very wise guy I see or you google well...just kidding man it sounds like you seen a few things and thats good but see you have to step away from essay writing and conversation lose all the rules and restrictions of writing this poetry your expression and no one can tell you how to write that so the words should not sound conversational or be so predictable and by that I mean when I start a reading a line I know how it ends or builds cause I either seen it before or its restricted like an essay or a conversation its a common problem but read an essay and then read your work then read a poem and then your work, your work sounds like an emotional essay and thats not poetry poetry is unique expression the painting of ones expression if you will and you never know just how the brush is going to stroke the canvas and the reader should never know exactly where your work is going by the first few lines!
Commented on the poem "First Break" on 12/04/08 at 03:58 PM
Ok I'm gone be all the way honest with you...You're probably a good writer and I will read more from you to see how good but you made one mistake, you see poetry is unique expression meaning every poet should be able to express the same topic differently so when you do something as commonly seen as heartbreak you have to find what makes your situation unique and express it to us and this is your poetry man dont let the words be so expected place them how you want to it adds volumes to your words trust me i do it all he time but hey you got alot more potential than most people on here I'd like you to take a gander at some of my poems and then you should revise this not delete it but revise it as maybe a whole new poem and see which they like best!
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!Without all the cursing a bit mroe creativity this could be a good peice I think you should think about that...try and look over it and play with the words so they arent so expected or conversational you know if you need reference check some of mine you dont have to comment but check em cause anybody can write how they feel but it takes a poet to express how they feel and express it uniquely other than that good concept but you got to work on your form sorta speak!
Commented on the poem "Broken Happiness" on 12/04/08 at 03:40 PM
Once again I like the concept but it doesnt flow like poetry its like youre explaining whats going on not expressing what is going on thats difference between a poem a conversation and an essay you have to place the words dont let them place themselves hey if you want to talk more about hit me up in my inbox and I'd be glad too!
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Commented on the poem "Breathe Life, Consistently" on 12/16/08 at 04:40 AM
