Blog Entry
Have you ever seen a tall building and wondered "Hmm. If I sat on the edge, and shot myself. I'd probably be dead before I hit the ground..." Have you ever gotten halfway through a suicide letter, then looked at what you were writing, and thought "Fuck. What am I doing? My friends would go crazy." Then scrunched the letter and forgot about it for a while. Have you ever actually written out a will? "If I'm found dead, I will NOT be revived. All my favourite things are to go to my friends" etc etc. Have you ever wondered "What exactly is the point??" I saw the Port Lincoln Hotel, 7 storeys high and thought of my Dad's Glock .99, sitting at home, locked in his gun cupboard in his chest. My mind then went to the location of his keys and the ammunition closet. I wrote: "I know. This probably wasn't the best way to get my point across. I'm lying here; bleeding and broken, and you're all wondering why. I seemed happy. Yes, it's truly wonderous, the ability and adeptability that one gains in the art of lying with just a small amount of practise. I'm sorry for deceiving all of you. Trust me, I know how you feel. It took me three years to finally work up the courage to get this over and done with. I know people will miss me. I know this action is going to piss off a lot of people, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold it in any more..." Then I took a look back and ripped out the pages. I know I can't do it. Every thought of my friends; every happy memory... It makes the bad things seem somewhat less important... In my written will. I wrote it and signed it, I declared that if I was able to be brought back, I was to be left alone. My crystals were to go to my best friend and my collection of poetry to my cousin. Everything else was to go to my parents, and my necklace was to go to my boyfriend. I realise the point in living is my friends. The point in living is my family. And the point in loving is my sanity. Don't ever let anything get you down and I'm sorry for sharing this. I just had to tell someone.