How much longer can I remain a prisoner
of this torturous pain?
Overwhelmed with so many emotions,
that the tears feel as
though they're ready to burst forth...
yet dry eyed I remain.
How many more times must I
endure the betrayal of those
closest to my heart?
I forgive over and over,
but when is it enough?
When does it become stupidity?
I'm stuck.... in the quick sand
of bitterness....
Pondering if i can ever forgive again.
Because I've tried to be
the best son & friend,
That I could have possibly been.
Yet for sum reason beyond
my comprehension,
My best just wasn't good enough.
So I was tossed aside,
abandoned, & forgotten...
Here I am... withered and rotten.
Searching for the love,
that was so scarcely given,
And frequently taken away.
Trying to become more than the feeble
soul that was left to slowly decay.
So many loved ones have left...
while I've remained... Here.
So emotionally crippled & confused,
that I stay drowning in
loneliness even though
it's my biggest fear.
I worried about losing my loved
ones so much,
that I made myself a prisoner of
my thoughts, my emotions,
& the heart wrenching pain.
As days grow shorter and
nights agonizingly longer...
Vigorously fighting to free
myself from the chains
that seem to get stronger.
Desperately searching for an end...
But I fear burning in hell...
so I press on.
I weep and scream violently...
but I'm choked and gagged
by the facade
to which I've adapted.
So addicted to the Drug of acceptance,
that I go through withdrawals when I rebel...
Yet I keep it all bottled up,
so not to let people
know that all is not well
God Forbid I share my feelings,
& be accused of
being "Over Dramatic"
or Playing the victim.
Once I saw hope...
but that's been snatched away.
My blue skies have turned a dull gray...
Anger slowly seeps through
my veins like lava,
Pride squeezes at my throat
like a bloody noose.
Jagged memories tear at my heart...
leaving it disfigured
and of no use.
Unanswered questions beat
at my mind, leaving me yearning
to know WHY!
Battered and broken,
trying to call for help,
Yet all that comes out is...
MY DISMAL CRY!