The light danced around the swaying branches as i stared out the window, it's orange shading cheering my dull room up with a warm glow. I watched as the dried, curled up leaves drifted off into the air and smiled thinking about my friends coming home, more to the point him coming home. The feelings we share are rather one sided, i'm in love with him and he's fond of me. My best friends say he's using me all the time and to be honest with you i'm starting to believe it now, which is why this must end. Because if the truth be known it will ruin our friendship if it doesn't. My coffee sits proudly on the table and i watch the steam rise, it keeps the sick feeling at bay i suppose. But even though my stomach isn't worrying my head sure is. The count down begins in 30 minutes they'll pile through my door and he'll come up, peck my lips and tell me he's missed me. He's a natural born liar, he doesn't miss me he misses the sex he gets every other night because i'm too much of an idiot to say no. Ready on 3 say "All hail the heartbreaker" because that's what he is. He's got a pretty hazy idea on life as well, maybe the secret that's being held in my stomach might cure his naive views. Maybe, just maybe.

That damn clock mocks me, really it does Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock that's it's rhythm, never changes "why not tick.bang.tick.bang?" My mind is wondering from the issue, it must end. No doubt he'll laugh and open the door for me and i could even bet he'd find himself a new girlfriend, because it's not that hard when teenagers swoon at every sigh that escapes your lips. My hand glides and grabs at the mug, it's hot china evaporating the beads of sweat from my palms. I've put to much milk in this, honest it's nothing like starbucks but when you don't have much time it has to do. It passes my coated lips and travels down my throat, stopping at my now uneasy feeling stomach. The room starts to spin, it's the Las Vegas air again messing with my stupid body. Here we go again up the stairs, step, step, step run some more and down on my knees spilling the contains of my stomach out. Oh they joys of doing this every morning.
Keys jingled like a funeral march in my door and the clicking of it opening was like a gun shot, here goes nothing.

His voice calls around the house "Nell?" i don't answer i just continue brushing the vile taste from my mouth "Nelly Bear?" i choke on the tooth paste slightly, I've always hated that damn name "Up here" i finally scream down the stairs hoping this would shut him up. The thudding gets nearer as i see his body leap up the stairs "there you are bear, baby i've missed you" he whispers kissing my right cheek. Hate to say it but, I told you so. Spitting the pale pink foam out from my mouth i sigh "yeah i missed you too." He frowns "babe what's wrong?" i shake my head "nothing" i state "don't lie to me" he softly demands. I sigh "Brendon tell me you love me" this i'll add has never once been said to me by him, not the way i say it. He sighs "I love you." He's a liar, there's no feeling behind that statement. His hands slip around my waist and he rests his head on my shoulder, staring into the mirror. I smile softly, he's too blind to notice that it's fake mind you. His thumbs rub my hip bones and his lips travel down my neck. "Get off" i mumble "What..why?" he asks clearly shocked that i've finally stopped him "we need to talk" i softly mumble before slipping from his grasp.

My hands shake as i place them in my lap "We can't do this anymore" i state dreading my answer. He sighs and looks to the floor. That's another thing at gets me whenever we talk like we are he looks at the floor or the ceiling, anything but my eyes. I carry on "Brendon were best friends" hoping i wouldn't catch it, "I don't hear you complaining" i mumble my tone sharp as a razor. Breathe in, breathe out, my stomach tingles, is that even normal? "Baby we can sort this, it's just that your feeling lonely" Who does he think he is? my psychiatrist? I laugh and His face drains of anger. i mumble remembering my family life. His hand is removed and he gets up "Marry me?" he asks slowly clearly not sure if it's the right thing to do. I shake my head again "No, there's no love" "No love?" he questions "No, Brendon go play, your young and single" he frowns "I'm not single, i have a girlfriend " he states. Don't kid yourself sunshine. I get up and begin the walk up the stairs knowing that my talking is getting no where "Nell no, i love you" i turn around to face him, his eyes glassy. "Bren why do you lie?" i ask "I'm not lying" i let out another sigh "How many girls did you sleep with on tour?" i ask, why i bother because i know he'll say a few. His face softens and he looks to the cream carpet "If you loved me you wouldn't touch them" i explain before walking up the remaining stairs. My bags were already packed and ready to be lifted down the stairs 2 days ago. Lifting up the heavy hold-all i pull it over my shoulder, i take one last glance at the room we'd shared for a year. Brendon sat on the very last step "I'll collect the rest later" i told him, his tear stained face looked up "please don't leave me" he begged. His eye's shone in the light, each ray bouncing off the tear stains. My bag slipped off my shoulder as i knelt down, "I love you, find me when your ready to love me too" i said my voice breaking slightly. Pushing my lips to his wet cheek i kissed him for the last time. The front door opened and closed, there watching me was an old man staring dumbly out of the window. Pulling on the handle and sliding in i faced the taxi driver. He turned and smiled "Where ya heading?" "High tops apartment building please" i sniffed. The engine growled and pulled the car forward at a slow speed.

I left that old street with the calls of my name and my old lover running behind me. Maybe he would see sense and i sure as hell hope it's soon because as i pass a memory i can feel my heart leaving a piece behind.