I used to be completely dominated
by the necessity to be the epitome of perfection
appearing pristine;

however, after always coming up short
and feeling the discomfort of my parents’ approval taught me
that there are a few things left unsaid
about being uniquely imperfect…


…I always wanted to be what they wanted me to be,
and even though the outer surface always
brandished a smile,
I was always that insecure little girl
waiting for the approval of her parents.

That desire only lasted but a short while
after I learned the truth.

I learned that people may seem happy while peering in,
but those who are looking out...

...hold all the secrets hidden in those secret closets
lurking about in the dark spaces
in the middle of an unhappy house.

While others wished they could have what’s on the inside,
those who were living the horror of reality
were trying so desperately to reach to the outside
in hopes to stop living in a masquerade.


I used to be fixated with my complexion
because the rest of my immediate family
would look at me and say how I was the “darkie,”
and I became ashamed of what the Good Lord had made...

...yet those who were in my family tree
had the audacity to tell me that anything darker than me
must not be accepted.

When I finally looked at all the family photos
I felt disrespected to see “South Carolinas”
tinted with a bluish purple tint looking back at me,

and that was the first glimpse of my own descendants
who didn’t tan easily in the summertime
which lead me to believe that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me
and a screw or two loose with the likes of "my family."

It wasn't me who was "touched" in the mind.

I used to be consumed with being what my family likes,
but I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m doing
what I like…
with who I like…
the way I like…

and no matter how dark or light,
if they’re good to me and for me
then everything will be alright
in the heat of the night.

So now, I banish a smile and hold my head up high,
for when I go to bed at night
I no longer wish that I would somehow lose my breath and die
because I absolutely love
the skin I'm in.