You're not looking hard enough
Clear i may be but your eyes
are deceiving your perceptions of me
Mutable to your environment
Camouflaging my emotions
so that my exterior resembles
a being superior
What you fail to acknowledge
is the answer to your question...
Its hard for me because i
have been conditioned
To come second to a man's comfort
Biting my heart's tongue
And accepting that my voice
you cant hear loud enough
Decibels i know not to reach above a whisper
Replaying my thoughts like a broken record
Is also something illegal
I choose to breathe life into old habits
For fear that your reactions
would be the same
It's not right to be punished
for someone else's mistakes
But im afraid of losing you
so i'm doing what it takes
Still taking the sharp pain
that relieves my happiness
Still feeling the hurt
that overpowers my joy
I'm with you but my mind
Has been traumatized
And on cue
Reacts with old tendencies...