If my life was a jukebox, each tune would chime the same.
So many things I wish I had done today.
If I could go back to my 18th birthday
And somehow be reintroduced,

“Hello, me; I am you.”

I imagine nothing resembling a smile would arise.
I’d find disappointment in my young eyes.
Because I’ve grown up, a developed shoulda-been
Having accomplished much of naught except
Raising a few babies,
Even got my ass beat by my 1st husband.
And then…
Married a 2nd but still wasn’t happy.
So here I am on a rainy Saturday,
Listening to Mary J, the soundtrack to my afternoon
While the man I love stands in the next room
Making cheeseburgers for a hungry family…
And I think…I’ve gotten so lazy.
I used to see the beauty in the ordinary.
I used to be creative with simplicity.
I could take the plainest actions or the flattest notes
And conceptualize a symphony with the grandest strokes.
But when it comes to all things pertaining to me, I choke.
I’d rather concentrate on the deafening noise…
I allow my harmony to become contrary.
When realistically,
Life hasn’t been that bad to me, you know...
I want to tell you this…
During most evenings, once I reach home
I have to scream on my kids
For hyping my electricity bill…
4 tv’s on the same cablevision shows.
I have to damn near yoke up…
My eldest child when she’s in the shower,
For running up my hot water for almost an hour.
I have to tell my youngest daughter every 5 minutes
To stop dragging her dirty skateboard on my carpet.
And my middle child… man PLEASE.
I’ve got 3 young queens who try my patience,
Plus, as much as My mama gets on my damn nerves
Whenever I need her, she’s just a phone call away.

So…

Maybe I should just sit back and let my song play…
Because these are the makings of my life:
It’s not a Shakespearian tragedy.
Not a Poe dark write,
Not the type of script you’ll find in a best seller.
I’m just the main character of an understated lifestyle.

“Hello me; I am you.”

I imagine I’d kiss my young cheek and I’d smile
And I’d tell her what it’s been like over the years
Because although I’m not the CEO of some corporation
Without the over exaggeration, God has kept me here.

He’s kept US here, and I AM happy.
Go on, sing that ish Mary…