I’m tired.
Tired of being
Tired of being
Sick and tired.

Tired of
Standing on my own two feet…
Knees beginning to quake and shake…
Knees buckling ‘neath my own weight…
Left with no choice but to crawl.
Tired of
Nursing bloodied and raw fucking knees…
Picking pebbles and rocks…
Shards of society embedded in the
Tattered flesh of worn kneecaps.

I’m tired.
Tired of receiving
Single mother’s accolades.
Fuck my perseverance and my strength.
I want some damn HELP!
I want my ex-husband’s to be promoted
From “baby’s daddy’s”
To real men…
Want them to stand up
And be fathers to the children
They lay with me and created
Before love turned to hate.

I’m tired.
Tired of assumptions that I can
Always do it on my own…
Tired of sorry ass excuses for
“masculinity” making endless reliances
Upon me to provide for children who
Bestow upon THEM the
Motherfuckin’ HONOR of being called
DADDY!

I’m tired.
Tired of hustling for
School clothes
School supplies
Back packs
Birthday presents
Birthday parties
Friend’s birthdays
Halloween costumes
Halloween parties
Thanksgiving dinners fit for the
King and Queens I gave birth to…
Winter coats and boots
Youth groups
Youth camps
Basketball clinics
Basketball camps
Field trips
Christmas Magic…
Christmas dinner…
Our own New Year’s Eve bash…

Tired of
Valentine’s Day…
Letting my kids know
They will always be MY Valentine…
Tired of
Easter dresses…
Easter dinners….
Spring clothes
Summer clothes
Sandals…
School clothes
School supplies
Backpacks…
And damn…
Didn’t I JUST do this shit???

And didn’t I do it…ON MY OWN??
ALL ALONE?

I’M FUCKING TIRED!

I’m tired of wiping tears
When Daddy doesn’t call.
I’m tired of kissing booboos
AND whipping asses…
I’m tired of speaking lovingly
AND putting bass in my voice…
I’m tired of not having a partnership
With the consenting adult I had sex with…
To rear the child that was the product
Of the piss poor carnal experience…

I’m tired of
Speaking positive words…
When all I REALLY wanna say is;

“Baby, your Daddy is a pathological liar
…and he can’t love himself…let alone love you.”…

…tired of picking up the pieces
After these pitiful disaster
Shatter my precious treasures….
Breaking their lovely spirits down…
And then leaving town.
Tired of sending children away that
Answer with “Yes, Ma’am”…
And come back responding with:
“Huh?” and “In a minute.”
Tired of having to
Debug and reprogram …
Tired of damage control…
Tired of this entire fucking black hole…

I guess I’m just plain…
Fucking…
Tired.