~Unpredictable Nature~:

*lets the intro play while nodding*

Worlds away I try grasp what this feeling turly is
I'm fasting tryna get spiritually right for the day that I find find out if God really forgives
so I scribe to tell my heart to stop crying
but as it strains all I can pitcure is how you laid on concrete dying
so I smile cuz I now know that you are safe within his arms
but the selfish individual in me screams cuz I'm still here feeling the harm
of the finals days as they pass
and the tears began to fall as I wonder how it would feel to hug yo ass
up in heaven and how I would feel to see your smile again
but for now I just scribe on with my heart wide open
tryna pretend that all is well
I'm doing swell
but the truth of the matter is that I feel like hell
like my emotions are clinched up in a cell
and the harder I breathe I feel trapped in this moral jail with immoral consequences
that I try to resist and moral ME is too stubborn and self-fish
to wish the best for you
so I smile thru this pain in hopes that my eternal dreams will come true
wonder if you would ask God to come back so I could live a day in your heavenly shoes......

  --->QUEENPIN OF THE INK PEN<---:

To me it's obscene how GOD can take a life at fifteen...
Died on ur born day..u was a football star tryin 2 live the American Dream.
They sidelined u due 2 ur medical condition....
I stayed awake late nights at ur memorial site askin GOD why he made this decision..
He answered "When it's time 4 me 2 recruit Angels...I don't need anyones permission"

But how could HE not listen 2 ur mother cry with her head pointed 2 the sky...
Askin "Why did u take my baby's life but choose 2 spare mine?"
I sat in the middle of ur bed for 2 whole weeks...
Soakin ur pillowcases with tears and inhaling ur scent still present on the sheets.
Puffin so much weed that I would either pass out or cry myself 2 sleep.

See...U was like the other son I always wanted but was never blessed with.
And I apologize 4 showing up 2 ur funeral drunk and reckless...
When I walked down 2 the casket 2 see U one last time...
I couldn't let go of ur hands...I just wanted 2 replace ur heart with mine.

If I coulda ripped the beats outta my chest I woulda arranged them into a melody of life...
2 return the smile 2 ur mothers face I woulda gladly gave up my eye sight...
U were a beautiful soul that was given his Angel wings too soon...
But I know ur mother is happy that ur death wasn't a result of bullet wounds.

At the rate I'm going...I might not make it 2 Heaven..I guess we'll know in a little while...
And when I meet my demise I hope I rise on the other side by being blinded by ur smile.

  ~Unpredictable Nature~:

Smile
*wipes tears*
some ask why do I smile when my world seems to be tumbling down
but the reality of it all was that I could never challenge God in the ultimate round
the look on my face replaced the hate I wished for your killer's fate
so I made a date with God to get my life straight
and honor the things and the words that would eventually place me at the entrance of heaven's gate
unbeknownst to the fact that I visited your grave site and dug up the dirt tryna bring yo ass back
continuously trying to dry tears for the now four years that I wish I never had to endure alone as I finally faced all my fears
finally returning to my home to lay my head on the same pillow you used when you laid in my bed
gripping the pillows edges reviewing what the outcome would be if I tried to smother
my face in the pillow that's still stained with your "African Pride Crimson Red" permanent hair color
*giggles*
to see that this day has finally come to true for me
that this subject no longer drains me physically so I continue to scribe emotionally in hopes that you would show up in my dreams and smile for me...