Starry nights
&
shooting stars
were my escape from
reality
while sitting in this ass imprinted
wicked (wicker) chair
that is considered life’s un-comfortable zone
[s][t][u][c][k]
In this bitch
~ * ~
pennies thrown in wishing wells
were always being thrown back at me
as a souvenir that
my request
&
pleads
would never be granted
~ * ~
my silence and infernal colored eyes
became my voice
intoxicated mentality
via flavored smoke signals
along with drunk enabling ice cubes
served with immediate numbness
&
garnished with unfulfilled hope
~ * ~
even while my second personality’s name
was being whispered
into my ear
all I heard was cries from my given name
due to the pain that never seemed to subside
but
things changed…
~ * ~
years later
when tiny fingers
tugged at my umbilical cord
&
Suddenly,
roles reversed as I am not
the one
begging
&
pleading,
calling “[N][E][X][T]”
for a chance at life...
but my unborn
trying desperately to breathe
through a smoked
filled womb
&
woozy blood stream
from boozy nights
that led to a loosely life
~ * ~
JT wrote his song based on my
life
because crying rivers was a hobby
that I mastered and tried to sell
to the first person who walked pass me
with a broken heart
but the profit that I gained from my sells
was a son…
who, through one on one
shower conversations and
last minute prayers
smiled
and allowed me to witness his grin
through my skin
as I still have the stretch mark
to prove it
~ * ~
today…
I strap myself in
front row seat on the first ever
nonstop
emotional rollercoaster
to nowhere
fast
and with every 97 degree angle drop
I grab hold of my breathe
and allow my bi
to try to catch up
with the polar that
comes so naturally
due to
suffocated thoughts
&
clouded vision
on a mission-less journey
to a soul-mate that doesn’t seem to exist
yet, every so often calls, to
remind me that [h][e][s]’[s]
… still… waiting… HA!
~ * ~
Unlike [C]
the compressions in my chest
come from lack of oxygen
&
exaggerated
blessings
that visit me while I’m near
mental death
so…
… yeah
thanks for “looking out”
~ * ~
Barely breathing
~ * ~
I’m so done…