*I know this is kind of lenghthy but please read if you have time!

This Night i felt was one like no other
so sit back and listen as I let my thoughts ponder.

I try to remember this night ever so briefly
my step father whispering his words sounding very discretely
he said "lee listen but your moms not doing well physically"
her bodies weak, she fell down, in icu now hooked up to an iv
he said dont worry, but my mind blurry hurridly thinking how could this be
when i just spoke with her the other night and she seemed to be at such peace
so i close my eyes drift off to sleep hoping for this to be a dream
when suddenly the thing that happens next isnt what it seems

5:45 am barely hearing a knock at the door
raising myself up so tired ready to fall on the floor
as i see the security guard im a little bit unsure
about what it is that she wants so early in the morn
so being mature i move toward her and ask is she sure she has the right door
when she handed me a piece of paper i read it and once then said no more

the paper stated call your aunty as soon as you get this
my heart racing ran to my phone realizing 12 call i had missed
dialed the number hearing her voice very distant and distressed
as she cried "sweetie im sorry but your mom went into heart cardiac arrest"
more the less i must confess i thought this was all a test
trying to take this all in my this my stomach could not digest
as i progress i suggest that she finishes the rest
when the thing she said next i might as well have guessed

in denial i screamed "what are you saying i cant take it"
as shes saying im so so sorry but your mom she didnt make it
at that very moment i felt like someone had too my heart out just to break it
not wanting to face it but the case is this time could not erase it
these thought i could not escape it
her love no one could replace it,
my life God now would have to reshape it
as a piece iof reality I had just tasted.

so now im sitting on the bed my aunties voice echoing for me to go home
surrounded by the security guard and my roomate but still feeling alone
cause this pain piercing my heart was a feeling so strong
feeling as though i was internally dieing but on the outside the pain could not be shown
so then i called my dad to let him know went wrong
as hes crying telling me to be strong and try to carry on
but i know his guilty conscious has to now be taking a toll
cause just awhile earlier he had a rampage and he was on a roll
he said some thing that was very hurtful and cold
but let me take a second and let my dads true colors unfold

see just while back my dad was mad at the fact that
my mom was getting remarried so he started to overreact
cause i guess he realized now he could never get her back
so with his words he started to attact
as he said some things that left a lasting impact
such as "thats why your mother is sick" his words to be exact
and when he said that i didnt know how to react
i just know i didnt want anymore physical contact

so back to the story

it wasnt long before the time that i reached home
i was physically present but still emotionally gone
they had to force me to eat and i wouldnt dare answer my phone
cause wasnt a word anyone could say that would make me want to carry on

after all i had not only lost my mother but life long friend
someone i had wanted to be there till the very end
she my deepest secrets and everthing within
so her being gone is still hard for me to comprehend
i would call her everyday, how many times probaly ten
and now when i would call it was only for pretend
cause when i would call i would get nothing but a dead end
as i came to the realization that her voicemail was the last time i would hear her voice again

so now im at the funeral, a place i really dont want to be
the casket in front of me the last thing i want to see
my father to the right, sitting very close to me
cause he wanted everyone to believe he was the father he was suppose to be
he tried but he just wasnt there for me mentally
and the way he acted at the funeral was very disgustdly

so the next day im at his house saying all my goodbyes
i see his temper flaring as he starts bringing up lies
i know him very well and i cant stand this side
cause for him to act this crazy he cant be in his right mind
for him to cuss me out the day after my mother died
he had to be blind not to see the hurt in his daughters eyes
so all i could do now was let out a sigh and cry
as i questioned the Lord why why why?
but the Lord helped me realize my dad wasnt a bad guy
he just dealt with his pain differntly and that i wouldnt deny
i wanted to forgive him but the rules he didnt abide by
as the Lord whispered in my ear and gave me a reply
and said i was perfect either but he still fogave me time after time

So i know this storys long but its finally coming to an end
its been ten months since her passing but i still remeber when
we did everything together and she would lend he helping hand
i still cry myself to sleep but im know im growing stronger within
as the Lord promised me my broken heart he would mend
and i know one day i will see my mommy again!

so all I can do now is reminisce on the past
and remeber all the good times and the laughter we had
and for those whose mother is still living, dont let each day go by to fast
cause you never know when your mothers day is her last.